Party Sadness

         Beep! Beep! Beep! Slam! I sat up, my bones cracking with the sudden wave of movement. On the wall to my right hung my warm, freshly out-of-the-dryer robe. I threw my arms in the sleeves and walked over to the window. Sipping on my fresh coffee from the desk beside me, I peered out to the ocean.

         “Why use sick days on actually being sick when you could use them to extend your vacation? Especially if your vacation is here?” I thought to myself. “Oh, wait a minute, it doesn’t matter whether I take these days off; I got fired yesterday.” Just at this thought, I rubbed the space been my eyes.

         Sighing, I turned into the bathroom and changed clothes. My feet pit pattered on the tiled floor in the hallway outside my room. The tile looked like sand: texture and all. On the walls were pictures taken by a camera from the 1900s, and some taken recently of famous anglers, surfers, scuba divers, and many other people. Real seashells were hanging on the walls, all polished and smelling like seawater, with short descriptions under them. The descriptions explained where and when the seashells were found; most were found on the beach where I’m going to.

         I pressed the number one in the elevator as the doors closed. A massive ocean mural was all over the walls and even the elevator entrance. On one wall, it looked super stormy and had a pirate ship ready to tip over. In another, the water was cool and calm, with all the fish and coral visible beneath sea level. There were sharks and seagulls hunting fish; you could see dolphins diving in and out of the water.

        The other side of the scene took up two walls. There was a huge beach with a boardwalk with people everywhere. On the other side of the boardwalk connecting to the beach was a massive building in the shape of a mermaid tail.

         Ding! The elevator stopped and the doors opened to reveal a vast outdoor shopping center.

         Everywhere you looked, people in rich and fancy clothes were walking around. Some were taking videos, some were shopping, and some, like me, were in their bathing suit.

         “How’re you doin’, Xander? Isn’t it such a beautiful day?” some guy asked this of me every day. Like me, he’s staying here for a while. As usual, I just ignored his optimism and continued walking. Walking towards the breach, to see her.

Whenever I came out here, my heart was immediately filled with sorrow and grumpiness. This also happens every day. Why? Because the waves remind me of someone. Someone who was lost a month ago. Someone I was supposed to protect, someone I was supposed to spend my life with. I swear I see her face between the waves; I see her in the sun’s reflection.

I swear, in the distance, I could see the cruise from which she fell. She was on a lady’s vacation with her sisters. I stayed in this hotel, where the cruise took off, where it was supposed to land. It was supposed to land two weeks ago. One week ago, I was worried sick. Now, I got the letter Friday last week.; a full week without my love.

Speaking of weeks, for one week of staying here, it’s the cost of a house. And that’s just workdays. It’s an extra $100k just for the weekend. If you can’t guess, I’ve almost run out of money. I only have enough for a house, with some money in savings for food. I’ll leave tomorrow and buy a home today. My wife shared her house with me and apparently, left everything in her will to her family. It’s alright, though. She made her will before we married. I’ve thought about crashing at her parents’ place for a couple of days, but they don’t like me, and neither do my own parents.

         As I said earlier, I lost my job. It wasn’t anything exciting, so I was going to quit anyway. I stayed here because I needed to. Not to party, hang out, swim or gamble, but to get better. I’m still not better. Oh, I miss her dearly. Everywhere I look, I’m reminded of the ocean, of her. I think… if I went to live in a place like Kansas, or South Dakota, or one of those states in the middle of the U.S, then maybe, just maybe, I’ll get better. Not perfect; just better.

The sun is getting ready to hide; surfers are heading inside, the swimmers too. Seagulls are lying down, and more shoppers steadily appear on the boardwalk.

Halfway walking back to the elevators, I stopped as I heard people laughing from the gambling and bar area. I was gambling with them yesterday. I wish I hadn’t done that because I’ve wasted my money. On what? A day that just ended with me still sad. One voice stuck out of the laughter. It was a women’s voice; it sounded just like Hannah’s… slam!

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t see you there,” someone mumbled after bumping into me. Getting woken up, I realized the laughter did not sound like Hannah’s. I continued walking.

As I passed by some shops and food places, I passed by the now-empty table we ate at the day before she left.

“I’m going to miss you,” I had declared.

“Me too. But remember, it’ll only be a couple of weeks. I’ll be fine,” she said. “What are you going to do while I’m gone?”

“Probably swim or something,” I replied.

“Oh, come on, you aren’t going to swim for two weeks straight! Here’s some money. I’ll allow you to gamble,” she handed me a check with over a thousand dollars.

“Oh, thanks,” I smiled. She smiled back.

Shaking my head, I continued walking. When I got to the elevator again, I closed my eyes. No one was in there. A few salty tears trickled down. Before the door opened again, I wiped the tears away, adding them to the mural of the ocean. Going to my room, I showered, then slept, dreaming memories I had shared with Hannah.

I remember when I got the news about Hannah. I was playing pool with some people I met in the gambling area. I had just won and collected the money when the news channel caught my attention. 

“We have some breaking news. A cruise going from the Mermaid Casino to tour the Bahamas has sunk. We have no further information, except that the escape boats did not work; no one survived,” the news reporter explained.

My heart had sunk to the Hells. “That was her cruise,” I whispered.

“What was that?” one of the people I played with asked drunkenly. 

I dropped the cue stick I was going to use for my next game, grabbed my money, and ran. I ran and ran, fingering the phone in my pocket. I only stopped once I reached the beach. I scrolled through my contacts until I found one of Hannah’s parents. 

The phone was answered by Hannah’s father’s voice, with her mother’s crying in the background.

“You… you heard, then,” he said.

I nodded, then remembering that he could not see me, I said, “When did this happen? Today?” I whimpered. 

“It happened last night. I was… I was on the phone with her just before it happened. She said there was some engine trouble, but… but she assured everything was okay. Clearly, everything was not okay!” he shouted. 

Then there was silence; even her mom stopped crying. Some people walking by glanced in my direction. I just glared at them, tears forming in my eyes. 

“I’m… sorry for my rash behavior. I’m just… you know,” he apologized. “Before you hang up, which you should in a minute, I just wanted to… tell you what the last thing I heard from her was. She said… ‘In case something happens, tell Xander I love him and would walk to the ends of the earth to be with him right now,’. She was going to say something else… but she was….” 

I hung up before he could say what he had to say. She told her dad she loved me… even though her dad was on the phone. She knows how much her father disapproved of me. Or knew, I guess.

My knees had buckled underneath me. I had no idea how long I laid there, covering my face from everyone around me. Hiding from all the stares, I grieved for the one I was about to propose to.  

Beep! Beep! Beep! Slam! I felt refreshed, besides my salty pillow. I grabbed my robe, threw it on my body, opened drawers, and emptied their contents. I then went downstairs to check out.

All the water features in the lobby drowned out the sound of couples flirting. I headed to the front desk, dragging my luggage with me.

“I’d like to check out, please,” I said.

“Room card, please,” the woman at the front desk demanded,

I sat on a bench and looked for houses to buy. I probably couldn’t get one from around here; that’ll be too expensive. This means I’ll also have to pay for a flight ticket and a moving truck to take my stuff from Hannah’s place.

“Oh boy, money will be tight,” I thought.

When I thought that years ago, I had no idea how true it was. Until I retired, I had to work to pay the house off. Eventually, I made some friends and even a family. I did visit Hannah’s and my parents’ house once or twice, but I didn’t after that. They hated me more than ever.

We made two kids, Valorie and I. Valorie was cool when I told her about Hannah. Although, she does bring her up in arguments sometimes.

Ironically, I work as a cruise designer. My mission with this job is to make sure it was very safe, especially in the event of a crash or sinking. In hope, no one else ends up like me.